Fighting antibodies

Our neighbours upstairs had a baby boy last week. He is adorable. Actually the whole family are adorable. I envy them yet I cannot bring myself to say congratulations. I’m too scared my mouth will say something else so I keep it shut and pretend not to see mother and new born son stepping into the foyer of our complex. Surely we have nothing in common anyway. I suddenly have the overwhelming urge to drink copious amount of wine and cry with Celine Dion.

DH text me yesterday and said he was skipping TAFE that night. He asked me if I'd want to go for a walk down to the beach and then grab a DVD. Of course I did!!!!! So I ran home and we were happy and cheerful as we left for our walk. About 5mins into our walk I mentioned I’d received a letter last week from my doctor reminding me it was Pap Smear time. THEN i made the mistake of telling him I remember two years ago getting my last pap smear and thinking, I'd be pregnant or have a baby by the time my next pap smear was due. DH became angry and upset and said I was really starting to obsess about this 'whole baby' thing. So, here were are, down the beach, yelling at one another in the dark about how trying to conceive our baby was becoming an obsession. I said it wouldn't be an obsession if I was already pregnant. I screamed at him to be supportive and not judgemental!! He then cuddled me and said he was sorry. He would try and be more supportive and just shut his mouth next time.

The following day I trot off to work trying to be positive and stress free. At 11.30am, I leave the office and head to my GP’s office next door. I hate Pap Smears. I hate everything about them. But I figure the sooner I do it, the better. It would also give me a chance to discuss 'making babies' with the Dr J. She did the regular yearly check; blood pressure, breast examination, pap smear, medical history check. I found myself telling her about the past 6 months of unsuccessful baby making and she re-assured me it takes a healthy couple 6-12 months to fall pregnant. However she was very optimistic and hopeful saying my medical history was great and I was very healthy. Her exact words were "Why don't we get a few tests done now and make sure everything is functioning perfectly. Why waste another 6 months of trying only to discover there maybe something wrong". I was very close to jumping up and hugging her to death.

Dr J hands me a referral for a CD22 test. The test will check my progesterone levels and make sure my ovulation is healthy and normal. I'm also being tested for Rubella. Just before I left her surgery, she pulls out another form for Sydney IVF. Dr J hopes my DH doesn’t need the sperm analysis referral for Sydney IVF but it can’t hurt to get DH checked out as well. I leave her surgery feeling re-energised about our TTC adventure.

My CD22 blood test was yesterday (Saturday). I’m currently 4 day past ovulation (DPO). The nurse was great and I was in and out of the pathology place in 10 minutes.

By Wednesday (9DPO) I still hadn’t heard back from Dr J about the results so I called her to make sure everything was OK. My progesterone levels were normal (meaning I’m ovulating) and my Rubella levels were normal (meaning I’m still immune to it). And my blood type is A negative…. The doctor hesitated when she said this. So I asked if that’s ok. Her response was it’s rare to have A negative blood, only 7% of the Aussie population has this blood type and it can cause difficulties with my pregnancy if my baby (what baby!!) has a positive blood type.
Basically my body will automatically create antibodies to fight against the positive blood in my system. The antibodies are enough to kill my unborn baby!!!! What the? Not the news I wanted to hear. I really was quite naively expecting to hear that everything was hunky dory!
Anyway, I’m now madly researching this blood type and becoming an expert on it.

On another note, our August cycle was also a failure. AF showed up on Sunday. We had DH’s family over for dinner to celebrate my brother in law’s birthday and as soon as the family left our apartment, I turned to DH and told me AF had arrived.

He turned to me and said “What are you so upset about”.

I think you could actually hear my heart shatter into a thousands pieces. Of course, not only am I devastated this cycle didn’t work, I’m devastated that AF showed up and NOW I have to deal with the devastation of my husbands poor choice of words.

Men! Can’t live with them. Can’t procreate with them.

Imaginary Pregnancy Signs

Cannot believe I am taking my temperature each morning. I am so over it!! Is my body really that foreign to me that I don’t know when I ovulate? It must be. I feel like my body and I are individuals, maybe even strangers. My head is starting to spin thinking about all the new things I’m trying this month on top of the old things; taking temperature daily, keeping excel spreadsheets of daily temperatures, checking my cervical mucous for stretchiness, using sperm friendly lubricant, taking liquid vitamins full of fish oil and folate, visualisation techniques and moonstone crystals in my bra. The list goes on and on. However I’d much rather stick a thermometer in my mouth and take vitamins than insert a needle into my arm daily or have horrid medical instruments in my vagina!

The dreaded 2WW begins. I started recording my EPS (early pregnancy signs), although I quickly rename this to IPS (imaginary pregnancy signs) after visiting TTC forum again. Women in there are nuts, as am I!
5DPO; pains in lower pubic region.
6DPO; frequent urination but my intake of fluid remains the same.
11DPO; notice a ‘dark’ change in nipple area.
13DPO; Craving ice-cream. Must be pregnant!
14DPO; Buy a HPT on the way home from work but too scared to do it. Hate seeing the blank white space where a 2nd line should appear. I talk myself into waiting til the following morning should my temperature still remain high. That way more of the pregnancy hormone is built up in my system.
15DPO; Wake up at 4am with cramps. Visit the loo and say “Hi” to AF once again. Is it too early for comforting Sauvignon Blanc?

What to expect when you're addicted

It’s finally become an obsession. I’ll admit it. I’m addicted to TTC and it’s beginning to drive me crazy. DH is very close to calling the men in white coats to come and lock me away. I can’t think about anything else but OPK’s (ovulation prediction kit), checking my temperature, buying more HPT’s (Home pregnancy tests) and cutting back on caffeine.
I ovulated on Monday but didn’t say a word to DH this time. What was I meant to say?
“Care for a BD (baby dance) darling? Aunt Flo has finally left and my basal body temperature is currently sitting at a comfortable 36.21 degrees. I checked my mucous and it’s egg-white and stretchy. What ya say handsome?”
Thankfully, I caught myself just in time before the words spilled from my lips.

My book has arrived!! Started reading my ‘What to expect when you’re expecting’ book today, I found out that 25% of couples fall pregnant in the first month of TTC. Hmmm, DH and I have been trying for 3 months so must read next column. 60% of couples fall pregnant within 6 months of TTC. Yippee!! Surely DH and I will be UTD soon. Loving this statistic. Next column reads that 15% of couples have fertility issues and will surpass the 12 month mark. P’ah! DH and I are healthy and happy. Surely no fertility issues here!

Someone on TTC forum mentions a cheap website for OPK’s, HPT’s and PreSeed. Yippee! I can know feed my bad habit and POAS daily if I need too. I order 50 OPKs, 10 HPT’s and a box of PreSeed. The parcel arrives just in time. I’m CD29 and due to test tomorrow. The following morning, I wake up at 5am, race to the toilet and POAS! I watch the stick like a hawk watching it’s prey. Control line is very visible….. now waiting for the second line to appear. Two minutes passes. Four minutes passes…. It’s now five minutes and no second line appears. My eyes want to well up with tears, but my brain isn’t sending the signal. It’s still asleep. I go back to bed and try to sleep. Then I remember a woman on TTC forum who thought her test was negative and ten minutes later two lines appeared. So I retrieve the test from the bin and keep an eye on it for the next hour. It is now time to shower and get ready for work, and no second line appears. This time my brain is awake and I cry over another negative HPT.