Aborting due to gender

This week should have been about Crown Princess Mary and the births of her twins, a boy and a girl. A new brother and sister for Mary's two older children and a new prince and princess for the people of Denmark (and lets face it, for the people of Australia). 


But the week was overshadowed by another twin story that had us all disturbed. The media reported on Sunday about a Victorian couple who aborted their IVF pregnancy when they discovered they were carrying twin boys, all because they wanted a girl. 

To be honest, this story made me sick. If this story was distressing for me, then it sure as hell must be distressing for every other couple out there dealing with infertility and miscarriage. It's a bit like a punch in the guts for anyone desperate to have children.


The anonymous couple have three sons, all born naturally. What a blessing that is! The mother also gave birth to a 4th child, a daughter. However the little girl died shortly after childbirth.

Losing a loved one is hard enough, so I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child. It must rock you to your very core. But this couple needs help and they need it fast because their grief is causing them to make some very stupid and upsetting decisions. 

The couple desperately wanted another daughter and had no luck conceiving. They turned to IVF and achieved a twin pregnancy. This is something infertiles dream about.

But the minute they found out they were carrying boys, they aborted the twin pregnancy. Their reason? The couple don't want any more boys and believe they ‘deserve’ a girl.

Some insane steps have since been taken in their quest for a daughter. The couple have gone to court and have demanded they deserve the right to choose the sex of their next child because they lost a daughter and they deserve a daughter. Sex selection in Australia is no long available for family balancing reason. However sex selection is still available to those families (like us) linked to genetic diseases.

But I just can’t my head around this. How could they terminate a twin pregnancy because of gender? I’m sorry Mr and Mrs Anon but you don’t deserve any more children in my opinion. Be thankful for the three ‘deserving’ sons you already have.

Tis NOT the season to be jolly

If any season brings home the feeling of emptiness, its Christmas time. For every woman and couple who’ve failed to conceive this year, tis NOT the season to be jolly. Tis not the season for rejoicing.


Why? We’ll be forced to listen to the angelic voices of children singing, watch parents and children open gifts and brave the shopping centres filled with prams. Everywhere we turn, children are at heart and this only emphasizes our childlessness.

But this year I survived Christmas. My best survival yet in fact! I listened to those children sing Christmas carols, watched my nephew open his gifts with a smile and survived the shopping centres. My outlook has been altered this year and I’m glad I got to enjoy Christmas without feeling too empty.

As the New Year approaches and I reflect on the year that was 2010, I’m feeling OK. We’ve spent the better part of our year trying to conceive and got nowhere. Sure I’ve achieved some great things this year personally but my biggest dream and goal are yet to be reached.

The New Year brings new beginnings and a new hope. A hope this time next year we’ll be pregnant and this will be the last childless Christmas.

Understanding our story

DH and I made the decision early in this TTC journey to be open and honest about our issues and what we are going through. We had nothing to be ashamed of after all. What we didn’t expect was for our journey to be a topic of conversation whenever we are guests at a social event. Friends and family are not afraid to ask questions or provide advice. (Because let’s face it; everyone has a story, everyone has advice and everyone thinks it’s ok to tell us what we should be doing).

This took some getting use too. Our parents didn’t bring us up to talk about sex, sperm and vaginas at the dinner table. However people are interested in our story so we answer those personal questions as best we can.

Typing my feelings into this blog each month soothes my anger and sadness. I have no idea if we’ll ever be blessed with children or if everything will continue to be a disappointment. What I do know is I want to be able to help others understand infertility.

It ain’t easy living in a society where family is everything. My husband and I are confronted EVERY SINGLE DAY with our inability to have children; whether it’s a Fisher and Price ad on TV, seeing a pregnant woman in the street or the Kindergarten centre across the road from our apartment. All of it has some kind of impact on us as individuals and as a couple.

Instead of preparing for parenthood and buying cute outfits, cots, prams and car seats, DH and I are forced to either save for our next IVF cycle
or pay off the last failed cycle. Instead of turning our spare room into a nursery, DH and I are forced to keep the door shut so it’s not a constant reminder.

We’ve spent over $30,000 on assisted conception and still there is no hint of a stork visiting us anytime soon.

All we want is a family of our very own. Hard for us and easy for others.