Yes, you read the title correctly - I am still pregnant.
The surgery on Friday was unsuccessful at locating the ectopic and my Dr was forced to close up. He did find a bulging mass on the right side of my uterus wall but he was not 100% convinced it was the pregnancy.
So imagine my shock and horror when I was wheeled back to the recovery bay area only to discover the surgery had failed.
Devastating.
The Dr came by on Saturday morning and asked me to go home and rest and come back to the hospital on Tuesday for repeats tests.
So today I brought moral support with me - hubby and my mum. Off to the hospital we trot and I'm put through my paces again - more bloods, more scans, more questions.
Guess what? THEY FINALLY FOUND MY PREGNANCY.
Located in an awful spot of my uterus wall. Bub is measuring around 5mm and has a heart beat of 105. My heart shattered into a million pieces when the sonographer said it's still non-viable.
I saw my baby's heart beating. I saw the beautiful round spot it occupies in my uterus. I see where it calls home.
And still it's non-viable and I need to end it's life because of a location. A location. WTF?
Dr calls it a cornual ectopic pregnancy and it's the worse kind you can get. Of course it's the worse kind - could only happen to me. The surgery to remove this type of pregnancy is major and life threatening. Four in 11 women die from this type of surgery. The biggest risk is bleeding out and needing a hysterectomy.
Am I scared? I'm petrified.
Am I worried? My anxiety is through the roof.
The surgery is booked for Thursday afternoon and all I can do is pray like crazy everything will be ok.
I'm already so connected to this baby and it's going to tear me apart that surgery on Thursday will end it's life. My focus now is surviving the surgery as best I can.
Showing posts with label scan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scan. Show all posts
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
Monday, 3 December 2012
CD42 / 21DPO - levels are up
CD42 / 21DPO
15DPO = 49
17DPO = 90
19DPO = 190
Today's level at 21DPO = 469!!!!!!!!
The hospital needed to see me again today. I was soooooooo nervous about today's results. Heart pounding. Feeling nauseous. Fidigity.
Saturday's (19DPO) hCG levels rose to 190. More than doubled which is good. The clinic nurse made me an emergency appt to have a scan as well - which was super nice of her.
The scan didn't reveal anything. The sonographer told me there was no sac to be seen in the uterus yet, but she didn't expect to see anything with levels of 190. (hCG levels normally have to be in the 2000's to see anything).
The corpus luteum is still on my left ovary and she couldn't see an ectopic on the left or right side. The sonographer did say my levels were doubling and that's what counts.
A few hours later, Lisa (from EPAS clinic) called me with today's results = 469!! She said this was great and again, it's more than doubled.
I'm flying to Brisbane tomorrow to attend my grandmother's funeral. Lisa is a bit concerned about me travelling and has printed off my records in case I miscarry or experience any severe pain whilst in Brisbane. The records will assist the Brisbane Hospital should anything happen. But I know I'll be fine!
The plan from here? Repeat hCG on Wednesday and I'm booked for bloods and another scan on Friday.
Keep those fingers crossed for me ladies!!!!!!
15DPO = 49
17DPO = 90
19DPO = 190
Today's level at 21DPO = 469!!!!!!!!
The hospital needed to see me again today. I was soooooooo nervous about today's results. Heart pounding. Feeling nauseous. Fidigity.
Saturday's (19DPO) hCG levels rose to 190. More than doubled which is good. The clinic nurse made me an emergency appt to have a scan as well - which was super nice of her.
The scan didn't reveal anything. The sonographer told me there was no sac to be seen in the uterus yet, but she didn't expect to see anything with levels of 190. (hCG levels normally have to be in the 2000's to see anything).
The corpus luteum is still on my left ovary and she couldn't see an ectopic on the left or right side. The sonographer did say my levels were doubling and that's what counts.
A few hours later, Lisa (from EPAS clinic) called me with today's results = 469!! She said this was great and again, it's more than doubled.
I'm flying to Brisbane tomorrow to attend my grandmother's funeral. Lisa is a bit concerned about me travelling and has printed off my records in case I miscarry or experience any severe pain whilst in Brisbane. The records will assist the Brisbane Hospital should anything happen. But I know I'll be fine!
The plan from here? Repeat hCG on Wednesday and I'm booked for bloods and another scan on Friday.
Keep those fingers crossed for me ladies!!!!!!
Thursday, 29 November 2012
CD38 / 17DPO - Numb
CD38 / 17DPO
hCG is 90
Dr just called and told me the hCG level has increased to 90 ..... still very low and just short of doubling. Was it silly of me to wish, hope and pray for a figure in the 1000's? Of course it was!!
The EPAS (Early Pregnancy Assessment Service) clinic manager met with me at the hospital this morning and we talked about my five year history TTC. It was nice to have someone geniuely listen and take notes. After I finished answering her questions, she was honest and said the chances of a viable pregnancy were slim to none.
And whilst I know this to be a fact, deep down it still cuts like a knife. Razor sharp. Slicing my heart in half.
Just for once, I want someone in my corner cheering a positive outcome. Instead I've had to endure 5 years worth of negative outcomes from every health professional I've encountered.
I'm so over feeling this pain. I'm becoming immune to it in a way. How do I keep doing this? Why do I keep doing this? Maybe children are not part of God's plan for hubby and I.
I'm broken from 2 losses this year. I'm broken from the countless surgeries my poor body has had to suffer over 4 years. I'm a shell of a women and completely numb.
The tears will arrive soon. I'm waiting for them and I hope I'm ready. I just don't want them to arrive at work today.
The plan from here ...... The EPAS clinic want to see me again on Saturday to repeat the beta hCG test. If I don't miscarry before then, I'm scheduled for bloods and another scan on Monday, which is my 6w mark.
My grandmothers funeral is on Tuesday, so I just pray I don't need surgery anytime soon.
If anyone is reading this, could I ask you to say a prayer to your God? I'll be eternally grateful.
B xx
hCG is 90
Dr just called and told me the hCG level has increased to 90 ..... still very low and just short of doubling. Was it silly of me to wish, hope and pray for a figure in the 1000's? Of course it was!!
The EPAS (Early Pregnancy Assessment Service) clinic manager met with me at the hospital this morning and we talked about my five year history TTC. It was nice to have someone geniuely listen and take notes. After I finished answering her questions, she was honest and said the chances of a viable pregnancy were slim to none.
And whilst I know this to be a fact, deep down it still cuts like a knife. Razor sharp. Slicing my heart in half.
Just for once, I want someone in my corner cheering a positive outcome. Instead I've had to endure 5 years worth of negative outcomes from every health professional I've encountered.
I'm so over feeling this pain. I'm becoming immune to it in a way. How do I keep doing this? Why do I keep doing this? Maybe children are not part of God's plan for hubby and I.
I'm broken from 2 losses this year. I'm broken from the countless surgeries my poor body has had to suffer over 4 years. I'm a shell of a women and completely numb.
The tears will arrive soon. I'm waiting for them and I hope I'm ready. I just don't want them to arrive at work today.
The plan from here ...... The EPAS clinic want to see me again on Saturday to repeat the beta hCG test. If I don't miscarry before then, I'm scheduled for bloods and another scan on Monday, which is my 6w mark.
My grandmothers funeral is on Tuesday, so I just pray I don't need surgery anytime soon.
If anyone is reading this, could I ask you to say a prayer to your God? I'll be eternally grateful.
B xx
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
CD37 / 16DPO - The bittersweet BFP
Guess what?
BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP
I woke up yesterday and my temp was still high so I thought 'what the hell' and took a pregnancy test. I left it on the bathroom counter and jumped in the shower. Low and behold, I stepped out of the shower to find 2 beautiful pink lines on the pregnancy test.
I may have squealed with sweet delight. Sheer happiness washed over me and I screamed, gasped and laughed so hard. Maybe it was finally happening! Our dog Sonny was the first to hear the news - he's gonna be a big brother.
My GP shattered my happy news with seconds of me sitting down in his office. I was told to go straight to hospital.
But 'Why' I asked?
"Because you have a history of ectopic pregnancies and this pregnancy has a 50% chance of being ectopic", he said.
So off to hospital I went. Bloods were drawn and my hCG came back at only 49 (15DPO). Quite low. Hmmm. I had a good cry and pulled it together. (I was by myself because DH had an important job on and I didn't want to worry him). The Dr then sent me for a scan and the sonographer found a small mass on my left ovary. I was told it could be an ectopic but it was too early to tell OR it could be a corpus luteum.
The hospital wants me back tomorrow for a repeat blood test and to meet the EPAS clinic nurse so we can put a plan in place.
In other sad news .... must be a week for it ...... my poor grandmother passed away this morning. RIP Grandma. I'm feeling overly emotional and just want some good news now ..... enough with the bad news.
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