Slow motion

It's time. I've had a great break from all things baby related and now it's time to get this ball rolling again and jump back on the TTC wagon.

I was at a baby shower a few weeks ago .... Hubby came along with me .... and within an hour of being at the shower, admiring my friends gorgeous baby bump, feeling the love and support the soon to be parents had ...... I got it. I started feeling, craving and yearning for a bub in my arms again.

It was in that moment that I realised it was time to start the TTC process again. 

Slowly.

I want to take this slowly and make sure I've made the right decision. At the moment it feels 89.4541321650% right. So I went to the compounding chemist and filled my scripts. I've started back on DHEA and Melatonin again. This time Devora has me taking CoQ10, Inositol and L-Arginine twice a day. 

I'm eating healthy and exercising regularly.  

I've started meditating and my yoga class begins next week. 

 A few more months of this and we'll see if I'm ready to commit to the IVF cycle. 

Stay tuned! 

B xx

Love & Light

Hubby and I had to move house last month so the past few weeks have been busy packing boxes, moving boxes, settling our Sonny into his new home, changing address details, disposing of boxes, buying new things for the house etc etc. Needless to say I've been pre-occupied to think about deeper issues.

And I actually think this has been the biggest blessing in disguise. Having to move house has keep me from going insane, getting depressed and crying constantly.

At first I hated our landlord for forcing us to move out. I begged and pleaded with him to let us stay another 6 months. I explained I'd just lost a baby and my recent surgery would prevent me from heavy lifting. But the bastard forced us out - he wanted to sell.

And I'm OK with that now. I could feel my excitement beginning to build when I began searching for new rental properties - it's a new year and a new fresh start was needed.

Fast forward 4 weeks and I can feel the light now. At first I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but now I can feel it on my skin, feel it in my bones and my smile has returned. Laughter doesn't feel so strange anymore and the tears are not as frequent.

I'm yet to see our counsellor - life got in the way - but dealing with my grief early on has helped. I know that once I sort myself out, I can focus on hubby more. I needed to be selfish and heal me first before talking/loving with him. It's nearly time.

Absence

In my baby's absence,
Life hands upon me, and becomes a burden,
I am ten times undone, while hope, and fear,
And grief, and rage and love rise up at once,
And with a variety of pain to distract me.