Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Sperminator day

What a low week I’ve had. No idea why but I’m guessing a mixture of hormones, lack of energy and no red wine in the house. However my positive attitude is slowly returning to normal. It’s Spring after all!! And with Spring comes new beginnings. And with new beginnings comes good times, right?

DH is booked into Sydney IVF this Friday for his test. I’ve heard from other women on TTC website that the private rooms are great at this clinic. I truly hope DH’s test is fine and normal. I would hate to jump more hurdles at the moment.

The day has arrived. It’s Sperminator day. DH is playing it cool and not showing any signs of nerves, however I know him too well. So I play it cool too. We walk into the clinic and present ourselves as Mr and Mrs O. The receptionist is so nice and very welcoming and immediately my nerves disappear. However I’m not the one here for a sperm test. DH is finally told to head down the hallway to door number three. I wish him good luck and give him a wink. DH later tells me the Sperminator room is every man’s dream…… in a weird clinical way. There’s a comfortable leather recliner in the corner, a bench full of porn magazines to flick through, a full DVD range to cater to everyone’s fantasy and the pièce de résistance, a bar fridge full of beer! I can hear DH’s angels singing hallelujah up above. DH emerges with smile on his face. Ah, must mean the mission was successful.

It’s Monday afternoon and the SA test results are back …… DH has a low sperm count. Dr J is now referring us to IVF clinic. I can’t quite believe it! I almost cried when she told me the news but choked back the tears as I was on the bus heading home. How was I meant to tell DH this news? I was so incredibly nervous telling DH when he got home. He took the news OK but later that night when we were in bed, he turned to me and said “What did you do wrong to deserve me”…… my poor little heart was breaking for him. But we’re strong! This situation, this issue will only bring us closer together and make the end result even sweeter.

The following day DH and I receive an email from some close friends to say they are expecting their first baby. I want to feel so happy for them but can’t help feeling sad as well. Life can be so unfair. Why must we have a pregnancy rubbed in our face after finding out yesterday’s devastating results?

Moving on and I begin to research what these test results truly mean. I feel like DH and I are the only people on earth who can’t have babies but my brain tells me this can’t possibly be true. My internet research shows that about 15% of Australian couples of reproductive age have a fertility problem. In about 40% of infertile couples the problem is a male factor, in about 40% it is a female problem and for the remaining 20%, it is a joint problem or the cause is unknown.

Making a list of good things about NOT being pregnant.
• Can colour my hair without a further thought
• No stretch marks
• No need to wear trackie daks to the supermarket
• Am very good at controlling bodily functions
• No one looks at me and thinks I’ve had sex recently
• No need to buy incontinence pads
• Vagina still looks trim, taut and terrific
• Am richer
• Will never require elasticised pants
• Can wear pretty stiletto’s and take full advantage of social invitations (without needing Red Bull to keep me awake)
• No need to discuss my vagina, stitches, breasts to people I hardly know
Do I really want a baby? Think I may have just talked myself out of it!

Testing Day is looming yet again. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Temperature is still high and all my IPS are accumulating. According to DH’s test result, we probably won’t ever conceive naturally but I convince myself it only takes one healthy sperm and one healthy egg to make a baby.

The J family came over today with M. Our sweet angel God Daughter. After they leave our place, I think “yep, we are so ready to make our own people”.

I logged onto TTC forum and a girl from my buddy group got a BFP. So I did a HPT on Saturday afternoon expecting to get the same result. I was only 12DPO. Boo Woo... I just stared at an empty white space on the stick.

I was expecting AF to arrive yesterday but she is still a no show. I truly (beg, pray, plead) hope she is lost this time. I’ve got the occasionally cramps which indicates AF is coming but I’ve also just read that this is an EPS?!? Maybe I should take a walk to the chemist? Nah, I better save our money for IVF.

DH and I were talking about the upcoming FS appt at IVF clinic in early October. We both agree that we’re not ready to explore the IVF route just yet. So I’ve conducted some research on the internet about Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) and acupuncture improving LSC….. sounds interesting and very promising. So I discussed it with DH and we’re going to give it a go. This would be a more natural method to explore than the invasive (and expensive) option of IVF.

So I cancelled out appt with IVF clinic and booked into see a TCM specialist in fertility. Fingers crossed this method will improve DH’s swimmers.

No comments: