CD38 / 17DPO
hCG is 90
Dr just called and told me the hCG level has increased to 90 ..... still very low and just short of doubling. Was it silly of me to wish, hope and pray for a figure in the 1000's? Of course it was!!
The EPAS (Early Pregnancy Assessment Service) clinic manager met with me at the hospital this morning and we talked about my five year history TTC. It was nice to have someone geniuely listen and take notes. After I finished answering her questions, she was honest and said the chances of a viable pregnancy were slim to none.
And whilst I know this to be a fact, deep down it still cuts like a knife. Razor sharp. Slicing my heart in half.
Just for once, I want someone in my corner cheering a positive outcome. Instead I've had to endure 5 years worth of negative outcomes from every health professional I've encountered.
I'm so over feeling this pain. I'm becoming immune to it in a way. How do I keep doing this? Why do I keep doing this? Maybe children are not part of God's plan for hubby and I.
I'm broken from 2 losses this year. I'm broken from the countless surgeries my poor body has had to suffer over 4 years. I'm a shell of a women and completely numb.
The tears will arrive soon. I'm waiting for them and I hope I'm ready. I just don't want them to arrive at work today.
The plan from here ...... The EPAS clinic want to see me again on Saturday to repeat the beta hCG test. If I don't miscarry before then, I'm scheduled for bloods and another scan on Monday, which is my 6w mark.
My grandmothers funeral is on Tuesday, so I just pray I don't need surgery anytime soon.
If anyone is reading this, could I ask you to say a prayer to your God? I'll be eternally grateful.
B xx
Showing posts with label beta. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beta. Show all posts
Thursday, 29 November 2012
Thursday, 28 June 2012
CD38 / 22DPO / 17DPT of ICSI #4
 |
| Our day 5 Blastie |
hCG = 786
Progesterone = 17.9
Estrogen
= 1802
Once again, my levels have increased. The clinic nurse was a little more optimistic this time as my levels have doubled nicely every 24 hours. I was warned once again, to head to the hospital should I start experiencing any pain but so far the only pain I’ve had are achy hips. I get the odd cramp but it disappears after an hour or so.
Once again, my levels have increased. The clinic nurse was a little more optimistic this time as my levels have doubled nicely every 24 hours. I was warned once again, to head to the hospital should I start experiencing any pain but so far the only pain I’ve had are achy hips. I get the odd cramp but it disappears after an hour or so.
The
happy dance continues ….. until ……
FS
called about an hour after nurse and started preparing me for the worse. I
couldn’t believe it. FS basically tells me the chances of this turning into a
successful preg are slim to none. I was told to start preparing for a bad
outcome and we can try again after a month of resting.
If
my levels reach 2,000, she’ll administer the MTX injection.
What????? My levels are increasing nicely and FS wants
to abort the pregnancy before it’s even had a solid chance of survival.
I’m
feeling pretty devastated.
Once
I got home, I started googling and researching for other women who have been in
my position – there are loads of bad stories and loads of good stories.
So I
figure I’ll keep praying for our miracle – miracles do happen.
It
ain’t over yet.
Monday, 25 June 2012
CD35 / 19DPO / 14DPT of ICSI #4
It's Monday and time for 2nd round of beta results:
hCG = 102
Prog = 9.5
Instead of dropping, my levels have increased. I secretly want to do a happy dance and be happy, however nurse told me to suspect an ectopic preg. Apparently such low levels that increase can result in an ectopic.
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not again.
I cannot and WILL not go through an ectopic again. My bleeding has now stopped completely - was it an early miscarriage? Or can I still be hopeful? Loads of women have bleeding in the early stages of pregnancy.
So I've now been told to head to the hospital should I experience any sudden abdominal pain. If I don't visit hospital between now and Thursday, I need to head back to the clinic for a 3rd round of betas.
I'm secretly praying and hoping this is a late implanter and my levels have tripled by Thursday :)
Poor DH, doesn't know what to think. So I'll continue to pray and have faith that my little miracle is trying really hard to implant and send the next 9 months in my womb.
hCG = 102
Prog = 9.5
Instead of dropping, my levels have increased. I secretly want to do a happy dance and be happy, however nurse told me to suspect an ectopic preg. Apparently such low levels that increase can result in an ectopic.
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not again.
I cannot and WILL not go through an ectopic again. My bleeding has now stopped completely - was it an early miscarriage? Or can I still be hopeful? Loads of women have bleeding in the early stages of pregnancy.
So I've now been told to head to the hospital should I experience any sudden abdominal pain. If I don't visit hospital between now and Thursday, I need to head back to the clinic for a 3rd round of betas.
I'm secretly praying and hoping this is a late implanter and my levels have tripled by Thursday :)
Poor DH, doesn't know what to think. So I'll continue to pray and have faith that my little miracle is trying really hard to implant and send the next 9 months in my womb.
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