CD42 / 21DPO - levels are up

CD42 / 21DPO
15DPO = 49
17DPO = 90
19DPO  = 190
Today's level at 21DPO = 469!!!!!!!!

The hospital needed to see me again today. I was soooooooo nervous about today's results. Heart pounding. Feeling nauseous. Fidigity. 

Saturday's (19DPO) hCG levels rose to 190. More than doubled which is good. The clinic nurse made me an emergency appt to have a scan as well - which was super nice of her.

The scan didn't reveal anything. The sonographer told me there was no sac to be seen in the uterus yet, but she didn't expect to see anything with levels of 190. (hCG levels normally have to be in the 2000's to see anything).

The corpus luteum is still on my left ovary and she couldn't see an ectopic on the left or right side. The sonographer did say my levels were doubling and that's what counts.

A few hours later, Lisa (from EPAS clinic) called me with today's results = 469!! She said this was great and again, it's more than doubled.

I'm flying to Brisbane tomorrow to attend my grandmother's funeral. Lisa is a bit concerned about me travelling and has printed off my records in case I miscarry or experience any severe pain whilst in Brisbane. The records will assist the Brisbane Hospital should anything happen. But I know I'll be fine!

The plan from here? Repeat hCG on Wednesday and I'm booked for bloods and another scan on Friday.

Keep those fingers crossed for me ladies!!!!!! 

CD38 / 17DPO - Numb

CD38 / 17DPO
hCG is 90

Dr just called and told me the hCG level has increased to 90 ..... still very low and just short of doubling.  Was it silly of me to wish, hope and pray for a figure in the 1000's? Of course it was!!

The EPAS (Early Pregnancy Assessment Service) clinic manager met with me at the hospital this morning and we talked about my five year history TTC. It was nice to have someone geniuely listen and take notes. After I finished answering her questions, she was honest and said the chances of a viable pregnancy were slim to none.

And whilst I know this to be a fact, deep down it still cuts like a knife. Razor sharp. Slicing my heart in half.

Just for once, I want someone in my corner cheering a positive outcome. Instead I've had to endure 5 years worth of negative outcomes from every health professional I've encountered.

I'm so over feeling this pain. I'm becoming immune to it in a way. How do I keep doing this? Why do I keep doing this? Maybe children are not part of God's plan for hubby and I.

I'm broken from 2 losses this year. I'm broken from the countless surgeries my poor body has had to suffer over 4 years. I'm a shell of a women and completely numb.

The tears will arrive soon. I'm waiting for them and I hope I'm ready. I just don't want them to arrive at work today.

The plan from here ...... The EPAS clinic want to see me again on Saturday to repeat the beta hCG test. If I don't miscarry before then, I'm scheduled for bloods and another scan on Monday, which is my 6w mark.

My grandmothers funeral is on Tuesday, so I just pray I don't need surgery anytime soon.

If anyone is reading this, could I ask you to say a prayer to your God? I'll be eternally grateful.

B xx