CD39 / 18DPO
3rd hCG due tomorrow
Bub is still hanging on. No bleeding. Lots of nausea. Heavy backaches. Bloating. Bit of gas.
But the pain, the pain is starting to get to me.
I've had a dull ache in the left side of my abdomen for 2 weeks. The pain really kicked in around 12DPO which prompted me to POAS in the first place. The pain was similar to when I had the 1st ectopic.
But the difference in this pregnancy is .......... why would I have this pain for 2 weeks? Ectopic pain doesn't normally kick in until around 6w mark. Plus, my pain only intensify's after I eat a big meal. Otherwise it's just a dull ache in my rib.
{Reading the above line back to myself and I'm clutching at straws, aren't I?}
Over and out. I really need to do some work today!
Friday, 30 November 2012
Thursday, 29 November 2012
CD38 / 17DPO - Numb
CD38 / 17DPO
hCG is 90
Dr just called and told me the hCG level has increased to 90 ..... still very low and just short of doubling. Was it silly of me to wish, hope and pray for a figure in the 1000's? Of course it was!!
The EPAS (Early Pregnancy Assessment Service) clinic manager met with me at the hospital this morning and we talked about my five year history TTC. It was nice to have someone geniuely listen and take notes. After I finished answering her questions, she was honest and said the chances of a viable pregnancy were slim to none.
And whilst I know this to be a fact, deep down it still cuts like a knife. Razor sharp. Slicing my heart in half.
Just for once, I want someone in my corner cheering a positive outcome. Instead I've had to endure 5 years worth of negative outcomes from every health professional I've encountered.
I'm so over feeling this pain. I'm becoming immune to it in a way. How do I keep doing this? Why do I keep doing this? Maybe children are not part of God's plan for hubby and I.
I'm broken from 2 losses this year. I'm broken from the countless surgeries my poor body has had to suffer over 4 years. I'm a shell of a women and completely numb.
The tears will arrive soon. I'm waiting for them and I hope I'm ready. I just don't want them to arrive at work today.
The plan from here ...... The EPAS clinic want to see me again on Saturday to repeat the beta hCG test. If I don't miscarry before then, I'm scheduled for bloods and another scan on Monday, which is my 6w mark.
My grandmothers funeral is on Tuesday, so I just pray I don't need surgery anytime soon.
If anyone is reading this, could I ask you to say a prayer to your God? I'll be eternally grateful.
B xx
hCG is 90
Dr just called and told me the hCG level has increased to 90 ..... still very low and just short of doubling. Was it silly of me to wish, hope and pray for a figure in the 1000's? Of course it was!!
The EPAS (Early Pregnancy Assessment Service) clinic manager met with me at the hospital this morning and we talked about my five year history TTC. It was nice to have someone geniuely listen and take notes. After I finished answering her questions, she was honest and said the chances of a viable pregnancy were slim to none.
And whilst I know this to be a fact, deep down it still cuts like a knife. Razor sharp. Slicing my heart in half.
Just for once, I want someone in my corner cheering a positive outcome. Instead I've had to endure 5 years worth of negative outcomes from every health professional I've encountered.
I'm so over feeling this pain. I'm becoming immune to it in a way. How do I keep doing this? Why do I keep doing this? Maybe children are not part of God's plan for hubby and I.
I'm broken from 2 losses this year. I'm broken from the countless surgeries my poor body has had to suffer over 4 years. I'm a shell of a women and completely numb.
The tears will arrive soon. I'm waiting for them and I hope I'm ready. I just don't want them to arrive at work today.
The plan from here ...... The EPAS clinic want to see me again on Saturday to repeat the beta hCG test. If I don't miscarry before then, I'm scheduled for bloods and another scan on Monday, which is my 6w mark.
My grandmothers funeral is on Tuesday, so I just pray I don't need surgery anytime soon.
If anyone is reading this, could I ask you to say a prayer to your God? I'll be eternally grateful.
B xx
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
CD37 / 16DPO - The bittersweet BFP
Guess what?
BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP
I woke up yesterday and my temp was still high so I thought 'what the hell' and took a pregnancy test. I left it on the bathroom counter and jumped in the shower. Low and behold, I stepped out of the shower to find 2 beautiful pink lines on the pregnancy test.
I may have squealed with sweet delight. Sheer happiness washed over me and I screamed, gasped and laughed so hard. Maybe it was finally happening! Our dog Sonny was the first to hear the news - he's gonna be a big brother.
My GP shattered my happy news with seconds of me sitting down in his office. I was told to go straight to hospital.
But 'Why' I asked?
"Because you have a history of ectopic pregnancies and this pregnancy has a 50% chance of being ectopic", he said.
So off to hospital I went. Bloods were drawn and my hCG came back at only 49 (15DPO). Quite low. Hmmm. I had a good cry and pulled it together. (I was by myself because DH had an important job on and I didn't want to worry him). The Dr then sent me for a scan and the sonographer found a small mass on my left ovary. I was told it could be an ectopic but it was too early to tell OR it could be a corpus luteum.
The hospital wants me back tomorrow for a repeat blood test and to meet the EPAS clinic nurse so we can put a plan in place.
In other sad news .... must be a week for it ...... my poor grandmother passed away this morning. RIP Grandma. I'm feeling overly emotional and just want some good news now ..... enough with the bad news.
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