Tuesday, 11 December 2012

CD50 / 29DPO - i'm still pregnant

Yes, you read the title correctly - I am still pregnant.

The surgery on Friday was unsuccessful at locating the ectopic and my Dr was forced to close up. He did find a bulging mass on the right side of my uterus wall but he was not 100% convinced it was the pregnancy.

So imagine my shock and horror when I was wheeled back to the recovery bay area only to discover the surgery had failed.


The Dr came by on Saturday morning and asked me to go home and rest and come back to the hospital on Tuesday for repeats tests.

So today I brought moral support with me - hubby and my mum. Off to the hospital we trot and I'm put through my paces again - more bloods, more scans, more questions.


Located in an awful spot of my uterus wall. Bub is measuring around 5mm and has a heart beat of 105. My heart shattered into a million pieces when the sonographer said it's still non-viable.

I saw my baby's heart beating. I saw the beautiful round spot it occupies in my uterus. I see where it calls home.

And still it's non-viable and I need to end it's life because of a location. A location. WTF?

Dr calls it a cornual ectopic pregnancy and it's the worse kind you can get. Of course it's the worse kind - could only happen to me. The surgery to remove this type of pregnancy is major and life threatening. Four in 11 women die from this type of surgery. The biggest risk is bleeding out and needing a hysterectomy.

Am I scared? I'm petrified.

Am I worried? My anxiety is through the roof.

The surgery is booked for Thursday afternoon and all I can do is pray like crazy everything will be ok.

I'm already so connected to this baby and it's going to tear me apart that surgery on Thursday will end it's life. My focus now is surviving the surgery as best I can.


Jesse said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jesse said...

My God. I just so sorry. I am thinking of you. Wishing you the best for your surgery on Thursday. Really are no words that can convey how sorry I am to hear your news...Huge hugs.


Anonymous said...

Oh my God, Brooke!! I don't know what to say. Praying for a safe outcome and a straightforward surgery on Thursday. Lots of hugs xxx


Anonymous said...

Oh Brooke honey, you really are the strongest, bravest most amazing person I know. I'm so sorry the universe is being so unkind to you, you really do not deserve it. I pray with everything I have that the surgery tomorrow goes off without a hitch. Kel xox

Jules said...

Thinking of you at this sad time.

I really hope all goes well & that 2013 brings you a happier year than 2012. xo

Kel said...

Hi Brooke, you don't know me, I wandered my way here from EB at some point when you posted a while ago. I have come back to your blog every few days and held my breath with you, and cried for you today.

I'm just so, so sorry to read this latest update. My thoughts are with you and your husband tomorrow. I hope the end of this year will bring you time to begin healing and that the fresh new year holds promise of a better outcome next time.

Gigantic hugs and absolute best wishes from an internet random xoxox

mj said...

Oh honey I'm so so so sad for you. My heart is breaking. It's now Friday morning and I hope that you are recovering well. I'm crying with you and sending you an enormous cuddle. It seems SO unfair :( xox

Stalking a Stork said...

thanks for the hugs, comforting words and well wishes - it means a lot to me. Your prayers and messages made me stronger.
B xx